The Top 5 Lessons I Learned During My Son's 1st Year of College by Kinyatta E. Gray

From the day my son could understand that planning for his future was a huge priority, he was instilled with the idea that he should and would attend college. Not because he was following in anyone's footsteps or because he needed to complete an unfulfilled dream in his parent's lives -- but because knowledge is power. No one can ever take an education away from you. Education creates opportunities. Education increases one's self-esteem and confidence. Education develops critical thinking and communication skills. Education broadens your perspective and outlook on life. For these reasons and many more, my son was college-bound.

Domo, my son, showed a high aptitude early in life and a high propensity for learning. This all but secured the fact that my son would attend college. Throughout middle school and high school, my son surrounded himself with likeminded intellects. He was not and never has been what stereotypes said my son ought to be. Far from it. My son enjoyed teaching himself how to speak Mandarin Chinese, he enjoyed friends from other cultures and he also enjoyed nature. He was an honor roll student who spoke both French and Spanish.

Alas, after all of our hard work and preparation -- Domo graduated high school and was accepted into several Universities. He chose to attend Towson University. The day had finally come, it was time for him to move into his new freshmen college dorm. I thought I'd be elated about the empty room in my home vacated by Domo, more food in the house, less traffic from teenage boys throughout my home, and more one on one time with my youngest child, Diamond.

Instead, I realized that this little man that I spent every waking minute with for the last 17 years was now going to be on his own -- free to make all of his decisions without me. I also suddenly realized that I'd miss the traffic and laughter of his friends, going into the fridge and seeing just a sip a juice left in the jug, the banter and bickering between him and his sister and the nightly dining room chats we shared as a family.

I had to quickly snap out of this sunken place because after all, he was now embarking on the new life we had prepped him for since day one.

Here are the Top 5 Lessons I Learned During My Son's 1st Year of College that I think parents should be aware of:

Drop The High School Mom Mentality. Once your son transitions to college, they are embarking on a new phase in their life. They are now in a position to exercise all of that good home training you've instilled into them since day one that you thought was going in one ear and out of the other. News Flash: Your child absorbed everything you invested into them -- the good, bad and the ugly. Your new college student will be expected to resolve issues and problems on their own. Parents - do not "call up" to the college trying to resolve issues for your child like you did in high school. And do not drive up to the school trying to settle issues with faculty and staff on their behalf. Let them take the lead in problem-solving while you take on a mentor/coaching role.
High School Rules Don't Apply To Your College Student. Sure, you're used to running your household with boundaries, standards, and punishment. Consider if whether or not those rules should be re-evaluated when your child comes home for holidays and breaks. Keep in mind, your adult child has been managing his or her own time and schedule and is probably not going to adjust well to the same rules that were applied when they were in high school.
College Kids Wild Out The First Year. Yes, despite all of your warnings and the fact that little Bobby or Tammy never gave you a day's worth of trouble -- when they get out of your sight in a college environment, in most cases all hell will break loose. In my case, my son was the biggest party goer ever, and became known for throwing the best college dorm parties on campus! LOL. Yes, my quiet son in high school became quite the man on campus.
"Wilding Out" Lasts Until Junior Year. Even though my son was the big party man on campus, he somehow held it together and was able to stay on track for graduation within the timeframe he was set to graduate. However, between the partying, the fraternity activities, the girls, the internships, etc -- I noticed that by the Junior year of college everything we instilled in Domo was starting to take shape once again. My son went through various stages of maturity and by the 3rd year of college, I saw that he was moving out of that "college boy" phase into the next level of adulthood after college.
There Will Be Things You'll Never Know About Their College Experience, Just Know That They Survived and Graduated. By the time graduation year arrived, I had more grey hair than years prior and was thankful to God that my son made it! LOL. I'll have to go the rest of my life never knowing what my son endured to make it into his fraternity, how many gallons of cheap beer he consumed with his friends, how many times he woke up on the lawn of his shared college townhome after partying or how many times his life was on the line all because he was a huge party-goer living life on the wild side. But what I do know is that at some point, all of my home-training kicked back in, all of those positive affirmations he received from us since birth -- it all paid off. He gave us the biggest gift a parent can ever receive and that is beating the odds of what society said he'd amount to and graduating Towson University with honors.

Kinyatta E. Gray is a shortwinded lifestyle blogger and best-selling author who wrote and released her first book in October 2019 about the loss of her mother. Kinyatta's book collection can be found on her website at https://www.kinyattagray.com/ . Kinyatta's goal is to spread awareness about grief and loss, following one's inner voice and sharing messages of love, peace, hope, and light. Instagram: @kinyattagraytheauthor.com

Domo & Ju - High School Grad.

My first sigh of relief! He made it through high school, with honors.

I waited and waited and prayed for my son to make it and he did just that! Proud momma.

My son Domo walked me down the aisle on my wedding day. I love him.