7 Reasons Why You're Shortchanging Your Life By Not Getting To Know People For Your Self
In my 40+ years, I have observed that no other relationship is both more complicated and equally beautiful -- than that of female friendships.
I have experienced highs and lows with female friendships -- some have outlasted others, some have proven to be more solid and true than others, and then there were those friendships that were fundamentally flawed from the beginning -- hanging on by a thread until that thread eventually popped.
The one thing I value is the diversity of people and what they bring into your life. I don't subscribe to a particular group or clique and I get to know people for myself over listening to what someone else has to say about others, especially if it's negative. Quite frankly, my instinct is to question the motives of the person sharing negative information.
I have acquaintances from all walks of life and backgrounds. I have befriended people with difficult personalities that others just brush off because they dismiss them without getting to know them. Most people that I invite into my life are the opposite of me -- and I prefer it that way -- however, the one thing I do require is authenticity and a huge sense of humor!
That stated, we can't be "green" either, sometimes people are legitimately warning you of danger. It's up to you to discern whether or not the information you're receiving is hurtful or helpful and the true intent of the messenger.
Nevertheless, as mature adults we have free will and we have minds of our own -- and if you're finding that you're making decisions about who you allow in your life and develop friendships with based on information from others you're aligned with — you're shortchanging your self and here's why:
Misunderstandings happen. Perhaps the person you're aligned with and the person you wish to know had a misunderstanding that was never resolved and that relationship went sour. That doesn't make the person you wish to know less worthy of your friendship. Maybe you can bridge the gap. That's an idea!
Jealousy is real. Some people are territorial with friendships. Perhaps you're being pumped with not so great information about someone you want to get to know because your friend just wants you all to herself. Can you say "Single White Female"? You need new friends quickly!
Hidden agenda. Do you know everything about your friend? Maybe the person you want to get to know has information that your friend doesn't want to be revealed to you - so they discourage rather than encourage your new friendship(s). Hmmmmm what is she hiding from you?
Fucking with my clique. Perhaps the ladies you're aligned with have a certain image to uphold and they don't think "outsiders" are worthy of being part of their clique. Now think about that. Is that what you're about -- excluding people? If so, carry on. But you're shortchanging yourself.
It could be Manipulation. Yes, even your friends can sometime manipulate you. They want you to dance to the beat of their drum, be their ride or die, and quite frankly consume all of your time and emotional support as a friend. Is that fair? Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by an emotional vampire and miss out on a new healthy friendship.
Divisiveness is not okay. Sometime people have a hard time balancing healthy friendships at the same time with multiple people -- so they create divisiveness. This person can be friends with you, and others -- but not as a group. You're not friends with each other because the common friend keeps you divided. This is just an awful relationship and it should feel very suffocating and even stifling. By allowing new people in your life, you may be able to discern healthy friendships vs non healthy friendships and co dependency attachments.
Trust your judgment. Your momma didn't raise no fool. If you have had positive and wonderful experiences with a person, and someone comes into the picture and tells you to think and feel otherwise -- believe your gut and your feelings. Questions the motives of anyone who discourages a friendship with someone who has only been a blessing to you, otherwise you could be shortchanging your self out of a good friend.
Ultimately, mature adults don’t seek validation and approval of others. They are confident in their decisions, they exercise discernment and they seek an inclusive drama free world. Key words: MATURE ADULTS.
Kinyatta E. Gray is a best-selling author who wrote and released her first book in October 2019. Kinyatta’s 3rd book From Section 8 To CEO takes readers on a journey involving friendships, betrayal and redemption.
Kinyatta's goal is to spread awareness about grief and loss, following one's inner voice and sharing messages of love, peace, hope, and light.
