Top 5 Indicators That You Might Make It to "Wifey" by Kinyatta E. Gray
Let me first say that not everyone woman wants to be married. Plenty of women are absolutely loving their life, career, kids, freedom, options, opportunities and more without the permanent attachment of a spouse.
However, there are those women that are patiently waiting for a companion that can eventually become a future husband.
That's who this blog is for.
Having experienced my fair share of "relationships" if that's what they were called, and eventually settling down and marrying my long time companion, I know full well what it's like to hang on for what seems an eternity for the object of your desire and affection to desire you in such a way that you feel and know without a doubt that you are all your companion will ever want and need.
You're never going to experience that feeling if you're not "the one" from their perspective.
They will drag that relationship out for as long as you continue to satisfy their needs. In a lot of these types of situations, your needs don't factor into the equation.
Further, it's not just about rising to the top and beating out all of the other women to be "the one" but whether or not you and your companion are committed to working together, harmoniously and as one unit so that your relationship can withstand the test of time, temptation, the good, the bad, sickness, health, riches or being broke.
I stay out of grown folks relationships because what I have learned is that the one thing you can not change is a heart that's fixated on loving someone no matter how toxic you've observed their relationship to be.
Grown folks have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired before they make resolute life changes.
If you get in the middle of Kim and Bill, or Kim and Tina the next thing you know, Kim and Bill/Tina are back together and have convinced themselves that you're a hater and you're the source of the problem in their relationship.
We all can agree that this is the easy way out -- blaming the concerned friend opposed to holding your partner accountable for his/her actions and your heartbreak.
I'll always lend a listening ear to a friend, I'll even cry with a good friend - but friends will have to face the music, their personal choices (and consequences thereof) and determine how they want to live the rest of their life and who they want in their lives.
With that in mind, based on my personal experience and conversations with harmoniously and faithfully married couples, here are the Top 5 Indicators That You Might Make It To "Wifey":
They Eliminate Other Women To Focus Exclusively On You. This is pretty self-explanatory. Someone that's committed to building a life, future and home with you doesn't have time to expend energy running around with other women. They wouldn't dream of making you feel inferior to another woman and further, they want you to know that you are absolutely the apple of their eye. They don't want physical or emotional attachments with other women because their heart is with you. Whatever they need or desire, they are confident they will receive it from you -- so they have no desire for side chicks. They want a wife. Is that you?
Complete Acceptance. Someone who is committed to making a life with you and only you is accepting of everything that comes with you. If you have one or two kids, they see your kids as an extension of you - not as an impediment to being with you. They have learned and have accepted your imperfections. They aren't annoyed by them but rather see them as part of who you are and why they love you. They fully accept your background and upbringing no matter how different it may be from their own. After all, that's what makes you who you are and they accept all of you without hesitation. Rarely is someone inspired by someone who lacks motivation and is overall a flat-lined low energy kind of person. So, it probably rings true that your companion accepts all of your personal and professional ambitions and is turned on by that spark and fire in your eyes to achieve your level best. Acceptance is extremely important -- you don't want someone in your life constantly trying to change you based on elements that they loved and accepted in other women in their lives before you.
Your Companion Will Exhibit Provider/Protector Instincts. This behavior from your companion makes you feel cared for warm and fuzzy. Someone that cares about you and sees you in their future doesn't want you to lack anything or your children. I'm not talking about someone that pays $20 to get your flat tired patched or puts $20.00 in your tank for gas so that you can travel to their home, or gets your wig and nails done, or that little $75 steak and lobster dinner. I'm talking about someone that's interested in working with you to upgrade and enhance your life to the best of their abilities. I'm talking about someone who's conversation includes investments, home-purchasing, and savings. I'm talking about someone that is protective over you and would never dream of letting anything or anyone bring harm to you. I'm talking about someone who steps up to the plate and makes it clear that as long as they are in your life, you will lack nothing. If you're in a relationship and you can't pinpoint actions that your companions exhibits that make you feel provided for and protected, you might not be the one.
Communication. Someone committed to you communicates with you differently. They don't see your number on their caller-id and get sick to the stomach, instead, the eagerly take your call wanting to be at your beck and call. They listen to understand vs listening to respond. What you think, say and feel matters. They want open and honest communication in order to maintain trust and connectedness to you. You are always part of the conversation and not an afterthought. You are consulted as a key contributor to both complex and non-complex decisions. You are the first person that they seek to confide in, and not their friends. Your voice is that of reason and your opinion matters and they would never exclude you from critical conversations. They would never make a decision to hang out with the boys/girls and call you when they get there, rather they discuss their plans with you and in some cases extend the invitation to you. The communication is such that all of your concerns and fears are allayed because they actively communicate with you on an ongoing basis because their goal is to make you feel loved, valued. listened to, and appreciated. After all, they see you as their future and their wife.
Your Companion Tells You They Want To Spend The Rest of Their Life With You. Someone that wants to spend the rest of their life tells you that you want to spend the rest of their life with you. Further, they make good on what they have told you by sharing this information with their friends and family and yours. They also, symbolize their words by asking for your hand in marriage. But it doesn't stop there -- they actually marry you.
These 5 indicators mixed with your own good common since are helpful in determining whether or not you may be on your way to "wifey" or if you're in the proverbial "friend" zone. If you want to stay in the friend zone, so be it. Your life, Your Choice!
Make sure you take a few minutes to wild out to this old school favorite "Wifey" by R&B sensation NEXT.
Kinyatta E. Gray is a shortwinded lifestyle blogger and best-selling author who wrote and released her first book in October 2019 about the loss of her mother. Kinyatta's goal is to spread awareness about grief and loss, following one's inner voice and sharing messages of love, peace, hope, and light.
Kinyatta's website: kinyattagray.com Instagram: @kinyattagraytheauthor
